Branding The Elderly
At our Drinking Liberally meeting the other night, a couple of us boomers were engaged in conversation with a Gen-X or so fellow, and the familiar resentments about economic and cultural hegemony bubbled up. At one point, the Gen-X guy posited that, in our dotage, we boomers would never settle for the “senior citizen” label. I allowed that we were even chary of the AARP’s “retired persons” tag.
It was then, in a moment of alcohol-fueled synaptic serendipity, that I foresaw my future franchise: a publication, a product line, or an entire ethos under the trademark “Artificially Hip”. It crystallizes all the posturing inherent in trying to be eternally young while dealing as surreptitiously as possible with the topic of prosthesis.
Artificially Hip. It’s mine, all mine. And it’s going to make me a fortune, and ease a generation into its grave. Don’t thank me, Gen-X’ers, just buy my magazine. And keep paying your Social Security taxes.
